I Bought Some Sexy Knickers the Other Day.

The first thing I should do is introduce myself, or at least tell you that I am a man. That’s right, I too suffer the stony silences that accompany requests for lingerie from my partner and I always tell myself I’m going to do something about it. I’m finally going to get the nerve together to walk into that lingerie shop in town and buy the sexy silk number that’s hanging in the window. I’ve even made it as far as the door on two occasions now, but that’s as far as I’ve made it: until the other day that is.

It was a beautiful Monday evening and I was spending my time surfing the Internet and lazily looking at a few different sites when an advert for lingerie caught my eye. Why hadn’t I thought of this before? I buy virtually everything off the Internet but not lingerie. I clicked the button with a smile on my face, but still had to stop the nervous looks over my shoulder to make sure no one saw me enter. After a minute or two of looking around I realized I was free to peruse at will and find the perfect outfit that would not only make her feel happy but me as well.

That Monday night I learnt a lot, not only from looking at the Internet lingerie site but also by rifling through my partner’s underwear drawer. If she had come home early from her girls’ night out I may have had some awkward questions to answer but she didn’t so I was left in peace to find her size and the kind of thing she likes to wear. I learnt a lot that night, but in particular I learnt two things. Lingerie shopping on the Internet is not a scary thing; certainly not as scary as a ‘proper’ lingerie shop and I also learnt that the easiest way to find out a woman’s size is to look.

Two days later and there was a knock at the door. I answered to the postman holding a brown box. Thoughts started racing through my brain and the social anxiety began to creep back into my head. He must know what it is, he’s holding it right there in front of him. I hurriedly signed his little sheet with my own name although I did consider using a pseudonym for a few minutes but I didn’t want to have to stand up in court and explain my fraudulent activities arose because I was signing for lingerie. After all what the jury and the judge and the gallery full of laughing spectators think of me then?

As I slammed the door shut and wiped the sweat from my head I noticed that the packaging was brown. It was all brown, apart from my name and address. There was no identifying guilty label that might indicate I was a man buying lady’s underwear. When she came home from work my partner was more than a little happy with the surprise I bought her, in fact I think it bought me more brownie points than 4 night’s out. After all this time I’d finally bought her some lingerie. Granted it did take me some time to convince her I wasn’t having an affair, but once that was over she was very grateful. I’ll be buying more lingerie real soon.